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Coming Out

January 18, 2012

Well if it hadn’t become real when I handed the cash over for the internship… and when I bought the one-way ticket to Bangkok… and when I got my TEFL certificates it definitely properly became real today – I came out at work; always the last and most dreaded step.

A fortnight ago I decided I would tell my boss and deliberated over how I should do it; I was feeling pretty guilty as I’ve moved up at work to a much better job and I’ve only been there 5 months – just long enough to get the hang of everything before telling them that I was off and they’d have to go through the hiring and training process all over again. Especially as I’m the only one that does my job and when I’ve gone there will be no-one there to train the next person. Admittedly I did suffer with this myself – it’s the only job I’ve ever had where if I didn’t know what to do I couldn’t ask the people around me because none of them had a clue either. Fortunately my predecessor had only moved to a different department so I could go bother her when necessary. She won’t be much use to my replacement though since we’ve changed ninety-five percent of the processes since she left. Anyway, that’s beside the point – telling my boss.

I couldn’t tell him just sitting at the desks since people might have overheard and I didn’t want to email him. Alternately I could have asked him for a word in private at which point we’d have to go into a meeting room and it would all be very formal. I decided I’d follow him when he went for a cigarette. Irritatingly as soon as I’d hit on the decision he went into the big boss’ office and sat down for a chat. I could see them through the doorway gesticulating and thumbing through piles of paper. I alternated wildly between staring through the open door at them and blankly at my computer screen, flicking in and out of applications so that it looked like I was doing something. Now I’d decided I was going to do it I just wanted to get it done and couldn’t concentrate on anything else, the longer I waited the more nervous I got and my stomach was full of fish-hooks. After a whole hour and a half he finally emerged and grabbed his coat, I grabbed mine as quickly as possible and headed for the door before anyone could ask where I was going. I caught him at his usual spot by Abbey Mill gardens and made mild chit-chat for a minute – it’s not unusual for me to be wandering around all day on some errand or another. Then I broke the news. I honestly had not the slightest idea how he’d react but he didn’t even seem all that surprised – he just said that the opportunity to do what I am doesn’t come around very often and I should go for it. He suggested it might be best to wait and tell the rest of the team at the next meeting – today. It’s been a pain in the arse having to keep it quiet and I’ve been biting my lip for the past fortnight.

This morning he decided to all but cancel the meeting since there was only one item on the agenda, instead he got everyone to gather around the end of a bank of desks and announced that the floor was mine – surprised and curious eyes swivelled in my direction. Unfortunately I have a tendency to grin like a gurning donkey when I’m nervous and giggle like a lecherous granny which was not a smooth way to begin. Anyway – I announced that I was moving to Thailand and they were generally all pretty encouraging despite the fact that they called me a traitor for the rest of the morning and tried to work out how they could convince the powers that be to hire someone new before I leave so that I can show them the ropes. My “work mummy” did promise to make me some banana cake for tomorrow to celebrate though, happy days!

Most significantly though I got to come home and make it “facebook-official” by announcing it to all and sundry without having to worry about office people seeing it! Of course everyone knows that nothing’s really real until it’s announced on Facebook with an excessive amount of exclamation marks and the obligatory “woooooo!!!” 100 sleeps to go.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. January 20, 2012 6:48 pm

    You had me worried for a minute. I thought that you were going to say that you were a lesbian, but burning your boats and running to the other side of the planet must must be just about as traumatic.
    I think that you are down to 99 sleeps now, so you are in double figures. Something tells me that time is just going to fly by from here on in.

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